I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
