I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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