the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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