Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Drunk is a universal language darling
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
