dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I wish there were birth control emojis
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
