Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
