Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
