Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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