I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
