Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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