I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.