I puked a lego.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.