just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"