Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Holy sore nipples Batman
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
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