i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
