I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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