my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
