what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
