What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I would ride that face into the sunset
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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