Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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