i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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