and you said cock pushups were impossible
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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