Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
