You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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