True but thats because hes a fetus.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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