Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
