Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
