i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
