remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
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