wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
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