You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
