HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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