wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
