I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize