pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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