You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
