just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
