Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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