god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
