a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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