needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
