This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
