Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
