omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
