he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
