So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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