So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
