What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
We don't watch enough power rangers
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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