A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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