Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
