my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
