my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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