You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
