Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
