in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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