There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize