I puked a lego.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Randomize