Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
