I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
