Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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