It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
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