you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
