Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
