They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
