How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Randomize
