Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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