He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Dear god my vagina.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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