I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
