the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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