he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
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