I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
