Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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