So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
