Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
