i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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