I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
