On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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